We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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