I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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