in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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