this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
