I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
