The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
