Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
