I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
