life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
