He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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