Rock
Scissors
Fuck
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
