There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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