I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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