I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
