in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
