I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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