Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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