there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
