tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
