Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
