so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize