he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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