He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
