it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
