His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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