If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
