I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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