so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize