im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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