i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
