one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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