I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
