if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
