Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
