Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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