I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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