Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
