I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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