Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
