I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
