It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
