And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i think my cat just said my name.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
