you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i love accidental penises.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
