I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
