I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
