I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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