if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
