I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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