I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize