i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize