his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
