do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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