My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
