Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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