how can u be prego again
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
