Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
