im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
