im drinking this country out of the recession.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
