go do what you do best...puke behind churches
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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