you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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